Friday, February 15, 2013

Ideas of Death

When I close my eyes to imagine my life script, I feel its quite related to what my mother has eventually gone through throughout her life. And the distances travelled in terms of future years lived, within those 5 minutes, gave me a fair idea of my life with him, have a family, live and enjoy every emotion of life... but the moment I thought about life with him, instead of proceeding ahead towards the end years of life, it brings me back to the present... where I see him...
I see myself standing infront of him and his entirely opposite universe... I can see him confused... I see him weak and unsure... and there's always some apprehension about future possibilities.
Instead of going ahead towards the death bed, I see myself as beautiful young lady, who is equally amazed with his apprehension,  for was it the same person she wanted to be with?! Where although I'm alive, I am full of variety of emotions,  yet I am 'disabled'... to express, to move ahead, to bring a positive and desirable change... as if the moment is frozen.... with watery eyes and overwhelmed heart, just me and him, looking at each other... so intensely,  so passionately... recalling each single moment spend together...
And yet again, unable to move an inch or say anything... I feel helpless, and the course of death seems to be the very moment with watery eyes turning into redden weeping eyes, not blinking to avoid a disconnect... and that's how this feeling of being suddenly isolated and abandoned is more than what death would have been...
From the diary of a single girl, the above expression of dilemma of life is somewhat close to most of us. What is required is just the courage to face the worst and still maintain your personal stand about it!
May God bless this girl who helped me understand some things which were completely alien...

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